Things I Absolutely MUST Do In 2010

...and if i don't...just please help me make sure I do. Much obliged.

• start sewing. I'm planning on starting with some cute aprons because I already have the material, and then I'm going to make a pair of floury shorts for my friend Kelly and I.
• start a chapstick line with my friend Marissa in order to get money for....shopping. Yeah. we're gonna be the next teen business starters you see on Chanel One. Lord.
• start my garden in the back yard that I already have planned out in my head
• FINISH my room. It's gonna be perfect.
• start dressing in the way the styles and outfits that I've already created in my head
  

side note: gosh I have all these plans in my head! If only they would turn into a reality.

• start legit photography... ask my uncle where I can acquire a nice camera for cheap
• bike ride
• expand my baking to cooking so that people will actually eat my stuff without worrying about silly calories and shtuff
• llllllllllllllllllllll. that was Hazel's (my new kitty) doing. love her to pieces
• make a bunch of hair pieces
• get overalls, decorate my straw hat, learn how to embroider, embroider gloves... then use all of this to garden in my garden
• take a pottery class
• start being more creative. As always, I want to be more creative!
• stop being lazy and go to the park and have fun
• get my license
  
• get a gym membership...and then actually use it...more than once.
  
• become more patient with certain people
• find a place that I can drive to that's secret, all mine. an escape.

this list will be continued as I think of more things
I love you, and a very Merry New Year to all.
I can't believe we're entering a new decade!

Inspiration

In my many moments of procrastination, such as my writing at this very second, I like to think that I am really using my time wisely by sifting through the world wide web. In my long and arduous traveling of the Internet I search for things that inspire thought and wonder and creativity and action.
One result of my searches appears in one of my very first blog posts: the slam poetry performance by Anis Mosjani.
Here's another site that I have found courtesy of my fellow procrastinator, Kelsie Fierce.

http://photoholic.tumblr.com/

one of my favorite pictures from the cite is:



the caption under was:

“Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.”

—Niels Bohr

Mary Lee Lingeman -- My Grandma

exactly one year ago today, my grandmother passed away.
I can't believe it's already been that long.
I remember that for a long time, I had trouble saying death or die or dying or any variation of the word...which sucked because, at the time, I was reading a book in my religion class about death that called for tons of essays. I couldn't even write the word.

I can honestly say that there hasn't been one day that hasn't gone by that i haven't thought about my grandma.

The night it happened, I remember my mom got a phone call from my aunt saying that my grandma was in the hospital, and it was pretty serious; I asked my mom if i could go with her to see grandma, but she told me i should stay and study for my chem test. Instead, I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 5:00, panicked, because I realized that i hadn't even started studying.
I went to the kitchen and saw that my mom's purse was on the counter, and thought "Mom's back, so Grandma must be o.k," and continued with my early morning study routine.
At around 6:45, my dad woke up and summoned my brothers and me to the boys' room and said he had to talk to us. I remember thinking, "What if my dad's about to tell us Grandma's dead?" And then discarding that thought with, "Psh, Grandma's healthy and active. She just fainted, that's all, like last year. Besides, if that were true, my mom would be the one to tell us. Dad hates Grandma."

We gathered around the room, Eddie, Sam, my Dad, and me, and my Dad said, "Kids, last night, Grandma died." My mind went blank. What? no! My mom came into the room then and she was crying and everything was confirmed.
I didn't want to stay at home. I had to get out. I went to school to take my chem test that I wasn't prepared for in the slightest, and told my friends what happened. I remember wishing that my best friend would just hug me and say anything to make me feel better, but i could tell she just felt really awkward. So I couldn't stay at school. I called my dad, and when we got home, the boys were playing game cube. That just PISSED me off. I slammed the door and went to my room and didn't come out for hours.
I didn't go one day without crying for months.

The last time I saw her, i was at her house and she was in the back room cutting my grandpa's hair. At least I have a good final memory.

She was the best grandma anyone could ever ask for. She never forgot birthdays, though she had 8 kids, and 8 sons-and-daughters-in-law, and over 24 grand kids. She had a jar of candy that she always let you choose from. She made fudge every Christmas. She made fucking jam o.k.? How can you beat this.

I have so many memories that have my Grandma in them and I can't believe that I'll never have any more. Sometimes, I still forget that she's no longer here. But I like to think that she still watches over me. That she was there at my Confirmation where she was supposed to be my sponsor. That she's gonna be there at my Junior Ring Ceremony and my Graduation and all the other important events she would never miss.

I love you Grandma, and I could never ever forget you. You will always be in my heart and I will forever be your loving granddaughter.


~Lili

p.s. song of the day: Congratulations by Blue October. It's the song I listened to when she left.


about the picture: in case you didn't know: the heart is the one my grandma gave me, and the cross is from a retreat i went on. I only just stopped wearing it every day.

iHate

when people have a problem having to do with me
and tell everyone in the world about it....except me.
just tell me what's wrong! nothings gonna get better till we talk about it and realize what's going on. in fact, it will just get worse and worse and more problems will be adding up 'till soon you'll be irratated by the way someone, i don't know, scratches their head or something.
i'm more than happy to admit that I'm doing something wrong or acting weird if you face up and tell me about it.
gee dang!

The Joy of Cooking

Hello readers... or rather, the readers that I sometimes imagine there are out there.
Today, my mother and I went on our first girls day out, in which we watched a movie just by ourselves, ever, in the more than fifteen years that I have known her.
If you haven't guessed by the title of this blog, the movie we saw was Julie&Julia with Meryl Streep playing Julia child and Amy Adams playing Julie (whose last name is failing to come to my brain at the moment). I will not tell you the summary of the movie because you can easily look that up on google if you so choose.
My mom decided to take me to it because I've been encouraging her to do something for herself because she's been a bit depressed lately and she knew that I LOVE to bake and she has a great knack for cooking herself. So, you know, it made sense to see it because it was a story that we could both relate to. Let me tell you. The movie was AMAZING and i strongly encourage you to see it even if you don't cook or bake.
We've decided that we are going to do our own Julia Child cooking experiment, and are getting the book tomorrow. We won't make a deadline or try to cook every SINGLE thing as Julie did, but still, it should be fun.
Anyways, I got to thinking, and I'm not much different from Julie Lastname myself. I mean, I love to write. I have a blog, sure I hardly use it, but it's still here. And I absolutely love baking. I want to open a bakery when I get older. So what if I tried to do the same thing she did? Not to steal her glory or anything but just to do it for fun. Make something, majorly fail or have an epic win of home-made delight, and blog about the experience. It could be like a generational thing. And it could be great.
So, yes, no? I think even if you say no, I'll probably do it, even if I just write about it in the safety of my journal or windows folder.



Song of the day, taken from one of my new favorite movies: A Bushel and a Peck by Doris Day.
LISTEN TO IT. it will undoubtedly make you happy. You won't be able to resist a smile when you listen to it. Promise.


Until next time
Love,
Lili
p.s. Powell! That's what her last name was. Oh the beauty of google.

2008-2009. Year of the Roller Coaster.

As we embrace another season of summer, you also begin to realize that the year is coming to an end. What have you done this year? Have you met all the goals and expectations you had coming into it?
For me, this year was a roller coaster ride. Roller coaster. Those two words seem to pop up in all my writing these days, but it always seems to fit. I mean, think about it. There's always a balance. There's never going to be an endless period of bad time, but on the other hand, it's not going to be forever happiness. There's never an up without a down, a down without an up. It's like Newton's theory of gravity (that was Newton right?) only applied to life. Though this year has definitely been one of the toughest in my life, I also must say that it's been one of the greatest and fantastic. Because, yes, I have had so many depressing things happen, but I've handled them. I've experienced more this year then I have in an entire lifetime. And really, what more can you ask for? It's unrealistic to always be wishing and hoping for endless bliss. Didn't humanity as a whole pretty much shoot down the idea of a Utopia? As much as everyone always wishes for it, you're just making your life harder than it has to be. By realizing that you are having a great time, you are happy. You know that it's not always gonna last, but the point is, the down time won't last either.
So I say, figure out who you love and you can rely on and surround yourself with them. They will be the people to share your laughter. To experience with you your most horrific moments. They will talk to you till 1:00 in the morning until you are both too exhausted to utter another syllable, and understand when you don't feel like talking at all. They'll make you happy when you least expect it. But you've gotta realize it when it's happening. Because part of those friends being there for you is realizing that they're there. And knowing that you can and will be there for them even when you can't even think of the right words to say to make them happy. Because sometimes, sometimes a smile or a hug or a random word or an awkward action is all it takes.


This year I:

• celebrated my brother's 7th birthday(isn't that a holy number?)...then lost my grandma the next day
• almost went out on my first date with a cute boy...which then ended 5 minutes before my birthday
• died my hair (well a strip of it) for the first time...then chopped it off for bald people
• grew really close to my youth minister...then found out he's moving to Arizona
• got my braces off....then got two cavities (I hadn't had cavities in over 3 years dangit!)
• got better grades then my brother for the first time in my LIFE
• finally got confirmed and loved it....then got my first stitches on the very same night thanks to what i like to call "The Death Brownies"...and then made them again the very next day
• realized that one of my biggest problems is that i am an EXTREMELY jealous person...but had an epiphany just the other day that, actually, that I am a really cool person, a good friend, reliable, trustworthy, I know when to laugh and when to be serious, and even if the rest of the world doesn't realize it, that's O.K. with me because I know it.
• I realized who my friends are. They are my security blanket. Because even if I don't know who I am, who I am is good enough for them. And let me tell you, they are better than good enough for me. You have all touched me in ways that you don't even know. Even those of you who I rarely talk to, sometime's your jokes and kind words are all that keeps me going through the day, through the month, through the year.

Come to decide that the things that I tried
Were in my life just to get high on
When I sit alone come get a little known
But I need more than myself this time

Step from the road to the sea to the sky
And I do believe it, we rely on
When I lay it on come get to play it on
All my life to sacrifice

~Anthony Kiedis

It's Clobberin Time!

Crunch Crunch Crunch
it's time for finals and NOBODY i know is in the mood for studying
wish all the students you know good luck
'cause we're gonna need it.