For me, this year was a roller coaster ride. Roller coaster. Those two words seem to pop up in all my writing these days, but it always seems to fit. I mean, think about it. There's always a balance. There's never going to be an endless period of bad time, but on the other hand, it's not going to be forever happiness. There's never an up without a down, a down without an up. It's like Newton's theory of gravity (that was Newton right?) only applied to life. Though this year has definitely been one of the toughest in my life, I also must say that it's been one of the greatest and fantastic. Because, yes, I have had so many depressing things happen, but I've handled them. I've experienced more this year then I have in an entire lifetime. And really, what more can you ask for? It's unrealistic to always be wishing and hoping for endless bliss. Didn't humanity as a whole pretty much shoot down the idea of a Utopia? As much as everyone always wishes for it, you're just making your life harder than it has to be. By realizing that you are having a great time, you are happy. You know that it's not always gonna last, but the point is, the down time won't last either.
So I say, figure out who you love and you can rely on and surround yourself with them. They will be the people to share your laughter. To experience with you your most horrific moments. They will talk to you till 1:00 in the morning until you are both too exhausted to utter another syllable, and understand when you don't feel like talking at all. They'll make you happy when you least expect it. But you've gotta realize it when it's happening. Because part of those friends being there for you is realizing that they're there. And knowing that you can and will be there for them even when you can't even think of the right words to say to make them happy. Because sometimes, sometimes a smile or a hug or a random word or an awkward action is all it takes.
This year I:
- celebrated my brother's 7th birthday(isn't that a holy number?)...then lost my grandma the next day
- almost went out on my first date with a cute boy...which then ended 5 minutes before my birthday
- died my hair (well a strip of it) for the first time...then chopped it off for bald people
- grew really close to my youth minister...then found out he's moving to Arizona
- got my braces off....then got two cavities (I hadn't had cavities in over 3 years dangit!)
- got better grades then my brother for the first time in my LIFE
- finally got confirmed and loved it....then got my first stitches on the very same night thanks to what i like to call "The Death Brownies"...and then made them again the very next day
- realized that one of my biggest problems is that i am an EXTREMELY jealous person...but had an epiphany just the other day that, actually, that I am a really cool person, a good friend, reliable, trustworthy, I know when to laugh and when to be serious, and even if the rest of the world doesn't realize it, that's O.K. with me because I know it.
- I realized who my friends are. They are my security blanket. Because even if I don't know who I am, who I am is good enough for them. And let me tell you, they are better than good enough for me. You have all touched me in ways that you don't even know. Even those of you who I rarely talk to, sometime's your jokes and kind words are all that keeps me going through the day, through the month, through the year.
Come to decide that the things that I tried
Were in my life just to get high on
When I sit alone come get a little known
But I need more than myself this time
Step from the road to the sea to the sky
And I do believe it, we rely on
When I lay it on come get to play it on
All my life to sacrifice
Were in my life just to get high on
When I sit alone come get a little known
But I need more than myself this time
Step from the road to the sea to the sky
And I do believe it, we rely on
When I lay it on come get to play it on
All my life to sacrifice
~Anthony Kiedis
