Slaphappy Meanderings

So yesterday I had a total bonding moment with my cat. Yes, you read that right, I did say my cat. His name is Kitty Kitty, (my sister named him when she was three because she thought it rhymed, but that's another story).
So the night leading into that day, I had gone to bed at 3:45 a.m writing that paper i've previously mentioned, and therefore had only two and a half hours of sleep (sadly, this isn't unusual for me). But that day, lack of sleep coupled with the fact that I've been really depressed lately, and my parents misunderstand the reason to be my essay, I was extremely tired.
I got home wanting nothing more than just to crawl into my bed and sleep for hours and hours. But I had a not unwelcome guest plopped right in the middle of my bed. You guessed it, Kitty Kitty. My cat is getting old -fifteen year old- and spends a vast majority on my bed nowadays.
To get him to move, I laid down and covered him in blankets. I popped my head through under the covers and spent a minute just staring at him and making funny faces, and finally started to pet him.
I felt really proud of myself for making my cat happy until I started realizing that I was falling asleep and patting him really hard. But he was still purring so i figured he was still alive so all's good.
Anyways, while this was all happening, my mom was on the phone and all the sudden she laughed, and i started to think about how actually really weird laughing is. I mean think about all the different laughs you've heard. When did laughing start? Who realized how satisfying it is to show amusement through making this strange sort of chuckling, bubbly noise that sounds unlike any other noise that we make?
I mean, why don't we purr like cats? What if, when we found something funny, we showed it by purring like a cat? Like, whoa that was funny *purr*. This is awkward *purr*
You know, I bet it all has to do with what you grow up around. Sure, babies laugh, but is that because they've seen their parents laugh when they're happy? What if you only purred around your kids. Would they grow up purring instead of laughing? Something to think about.
And please keep in mind that I was falling asleep when I thought of this and resolved to write a blog about it.
But, admit it. You know you're thinking about it too now: a world full of purring instead of laughing.
Love,
Lili
p.s. yes, i did just write a blog about my cat and purring. I take pride in not being normal.

Fail.

Monday, I took advantage of the fact that my Honors American Lit teacher is such an understanding and sweet person, and didn't turn in my essay.
Let me tell you something. I have NEVER not turned in an essay in my life.
FAIL.

Nostalgia

Things that make me nostalgic:
alphabet soup
apples and peanut butter
sewing machines
Simon and Garfunkel
red ruby slippers
certain smells(duh)
Christmas music
when my little brother finds out something new and is extremely excited
Fruit loops
oldies on the radio
Disney movies
paint and big pads of paper
Halloween
when my brothers go flying (i introduced them to that game)
when i see kids driving home from school with their grandmas
hopscotch
chalk
bubbles
barbies
hazelnut coffee
ice cream cones
the smell of banana bread in the morning mixed with the aroma of fresh coffee
meatloaf
stew and biscuits

Second Blog in 1 Day. I Think I'm Starting to Like This. Sorry.

Artist i just found out about this very second: Noah and the Whale.
Next good thing:
making cookies. yes. for two reasons: 1)Your mind is completely absorbed in smashing heck out of those dang eggs and flour and sugar that you can't think about anything else, and therefore won't kill any living thing; and 2) the obvious: you get extremely yummy cookie dough, and eventually cookies (best eaten hot)
And lastly:
I just learned about this blog called 1000 AWESOME things, and right before i went on it, i was hoping that they would have something about cookie dough. Their latest add? you guessed it, COOKIE DOUGH!
Love,
Lili

Good Things

So I've decided that now, to counter that very depressing first post, I'm gonna try to write about one good thing, probably not every day, but lots of days. Yup.
Today, in sixth period, our teacher wasn't here, so we pretty much had a free period (though the chemistry teacher who was subbing tried everything in her power to make this not so).
Me, Emily, Kelsie, and Marissa were sitting next to each other (that's right guys, you are mentioned in my very important blog) and we were pretending to work.
While talking to Marissa about best friend shtuff and listening to great music (she's my enlightener), I also had Emily and Kelsie on the other side of me making complete fools of themselves. After trying to pretend to be annoyed with them, I finally gave in, making weird faces and stupid noises and just being happy. That helped me to remember just how amazingly wonderful my friends are, able to make me laugh and smile even when i REALLY don't even feel like talking. Love you guys
~Lili
p.s. coldplay is the ultimate sanctuary. Trust. Even if you don't like them, when you are going through something tough, put them on, blasting and i swear you will feel a little better.

First

Welcome to the life of Lili.
My first blog. Is gonna be a little depressing because, basically, that's what my life is right now. So that was your warning. If you don't feel like sitting down for a while, reading about my rambling woes, I suggest you stop now.
So here it goes:
Yesterday, I found out that a very good friend of mine's mother and 9 year old sister died.
Oh God. I can't understand how this can happen. This whole year feels like it has been full of death. Do you wanna see my list?
1. My Grandma
2. My good friend Frankie who was the athletic director at my school
3. My parish priest, Father Moretti
4. and now this.
I don't know how to deal with ANY of this. I barely had time to realize that I would never see my Grandma again before the next person passed. And what sucks? I feel like I'm making this all about me. God, this person just effing died-MY life sucks. My friend's never gonna see his mom again-MY life sucks. When am I gonna stop complaining? Even in this gosh dang BLOG I'm complaining about MY life.
I can't stop thinking about Vincent (the kid in my class who lost his mom and sister). God, he started the day thinking it was just a normal day, and then he finds out that his gosh dang mom is GONE. I keep thinking about how Tori (his sister) always said hi to me when I picked up my brothers from school and how I was always so happy that she actually remembered who I am. I keep picturing them in the car, maybe listening to some music, maybe laughing about some gosh dang joke, maybe even arguing, when their mom lost control of the car. Now I'm never gonna say hi to Tori, no one is. She had her whole fucking life ahead of her and now it's gone like a stupid flame on a candle just blown out. And god, you should have heard Vince talking about his sister. He absolutely loved her. He was always so proud of everything she did. And his mom. Gosh you don't know what he's been through even before this and throughout it all, his mom was always there, understanding him no matter what.
You know how when someone you know dies, it's always a reality check where you're like, "Oh my gosh, what am I doing with my gosh dang life? Have I told the people who matter to me that I love them? I've gotta get cracking!" Well I went through that momentarily. Pretty much at EXACTLY the same time Vincent's mother and sister (oh, I forgot to mention that his kindergarten-sister and two-year-old brother were also in the car and are now in critical care) were in their crash, my brother and I were in this intense argument, consisting of both of us making sure that neither of us came away without being extremely hurt. You would think that, like me, he would be thinking I've gotta tell my sister that I'm sorry and that I really love her. But no. I get home, and pretty much the second I walk through the door, he's on a rampage. "Lili, you're so stupid! It's no wonder you have no friends. And you're so lazy, and fat. Why are you so selfish? You won't even give one of your candles to the people who died! Why don't you do anything? All you do is sit around and bake junk. Oh, and you left the oven on again. AS USUAL. No one likes you. You have no friends." Well guess what. What are YOU fucking giving to the people who passed away. They don't even matter to you ass hole.
I don't know what to think. I can't concentrate. My brain feels like it's flipping around and around in crashing waves.
Anyway, I realize that this probably isn't what a blog is supposed to be, but I just needed to get my thoughts out to some place where it will probably never be noticed so at least it's not just trapped in the cage of my brain.
I gotta go. I don't know where, but I can't stand just staying in the gosh dang house for another second. I wish I could just drive into the sunset like in the movies and all my troubles would just blow out into the wind behind me.
I'll write again later. Maybe. About happier things. Hopefully.
Love,
Lili
p.s. smile and be happy. You never know what's gonna happen tomorrow-or even in the next second.