First

Welcome to the life of Lili.
My first blog. Is gonna be a little depressing because, basically, that's what my life is right now. So that was your warning. If you don't feel like sitting down for a while, reading about my rambling woes, I suggest you stop now.
So here it goes:
Yesterday, I found out that a very good friend of mine's mother and 9 year old sister died.
Oh God. I can't understand how this can happen. This whole year feels like it has been full of death. Do you wanna see my list?
1. My Grandma
2. My good friend Frankie who was the athletic director at my school
3. My parish priest, Father Moretti
4. and now this.
I don't know how to deal with ANY of this. I barely had time to realize that I would never see my Grandma again before the next person passed. And what sucks? I feel like I'm making this all about me. God, this person just effing died-MY life sucks. My friend's never gonna see his mom again-MY life sucks. When am I gonna stop complaining? Even in this gosh dang BLOG I'm complaining about MY life.
I can't stop thinking about Vincent (the kid in my class who lost his mom and sister). God, he started the day thinking it was just a normal day, and then he finds out that his gosh dang mom is GONE. I keep thinking about how Tori (his sister) always said hi to me when I picked up my brothers from school and how I was always so happy that she actually remembered who I am. I keep picturing them in the car, maybe listening to some music, maybe laughing about some gosh dang joke, maybe even arguing, when their mom lost control of the car. Now I'm never gonna say hi to Tori, no one is. She had her whole fucking life ahead of her and now it's gone like a stupid flame on a candle just blown out. And god, you should have heard Vince talking about his sister. He absolutely loved her. He was always so proud of everything she did. And his mom. Gosh you don't know what he's been through even before this and throughout it all, his mom was always there, understanding him no matter what.
You know how when someone you know dies, it's always a reality check where you're like, "Oh my gosh, what am I doing with my gosh dang life? Have I told the people who matter to me that I love them? I've gotta get cracking!" Well I went through that momentarily. Pretty much at EXACTLY the same time Vincent's mother and sister (oh, I forgot to mention that his kindergarten-sister and two-year-old brother were also in the car and are now in critical care) were in their crash, my brother and I were in this intense argument, consisting of both of us making sure that neither of us came away without being extremely hurt. You would think that, like me, he would be thinking I've gotta tell my sister that I'm sorry and that I really love her. But no. I get home, and pretty much the second I walk through the door, he's on a rampage. "Lili, you're so stupid! It's no wonder you have no friends. And you're so lazy, and fat. Why are you so selfish? You won't even give one of your candles to the people who died! Why don't you do anything? All you do is sit around and bake junk. Oh, and you left the oven on again. AS USUAL. No one likes you. You have no friends." Well guess what. What are YOU fucking giving to the people who passed away. They don't even matter to you ass hole.
I don't know what to think. I can't concentrate. My brain feels like it's flipping around and around in crashing waves.
Anyway, I realize that this probably isn't what a blog is supposed to be, but I just needed to get my thoughts out to some place where it will probably never be noticed so at least it's not just trapped in the cage of my brain.
I gotta go. I don't know where, but I can't stand just staying in the gosh dang house for another second. I wish I could just drive into the sunset like in the movies and all my troubles would just blow out into the wind behind me.
I'll write again later. Maybe. About happier things. Hopefully.
Love,
Lili
p.s. smile and be happy. You never know what's gonna happen tomorrow-or even in the next second.